Valentisland
by HillBot
Summary: Zoro is forced to participate in the valentines day festivities and he is not pleased.


Title: Valentisland

Pairing: Zoro x Sanji

Disclaimer: Not. Oda.

Notes: Ever since high school when I was lurking on these communities I wanted to write a holiday themed fic. I loved it when people did that and I guess I don't really understand my fascination with it but I just enjoyed them a lot. Senior year (which was last year) I started what was supposed to be an epic valentines day story but I didn't finish in time and it got too OOC and it was such a generic story that I didn't care anymore. I found it though and liked the particular part about making the valentines so I decided to expand on it and I ended up liking it. This was finished last month and I've been waiting to post it for like forever because I'm lame like that.

Of all the islands and all the days it had to be here and now. Valentisland. On valentines day. Roronoa Zoro's own personal hell. Zoro cursed the gods he didn't believe in for playing such a cruel joke on him. Luck was never on his side.

Who the hell dedicated an entire island to a single holiday anyway? This was the weirdest thing Zoro had ever seen. All the foliage on the island had taken on a pinkish tint; the grass, the trees, everything. Everywhere he looked he saw pink. The buildings were built with unusual pink bricks and the houses were all painted varying shades of pink ranging from carnation pink to hot pink to razzle dazzle rose. The island itself was shaped like a heart and Zoro wondered whether this was a natural occurrence or manmade. Even the people reflected the holiday with their heart shaped faces (was that genetic?) and strange, ugly valentine's day themed clothing. The moment Zoro had seen a man with a heart shaved into the back of his head he fled back to the ship in hopes of escaping the holiday madness. On his way back to the _Sunny_ he noticed a sign that announced _Welcome to Valentisland where it's Valentines day 365 days a year!_

Zoro hated all holidays because of their stupid, cheery nonsense but valentine's day was the absolute _worst_. The grandaddy of all things unholy. An endless array of mushy, frilly, girly bullshit. He gagged at the thought of all the hearts and flowers and candlelit dinners. He didn't need that crap to tell someone he liked them, just a quick 'Hey, let's fuck.' was all he needed to get the point across.

Normally he would have slept the entire day away. It had never been a problem for him in the past since Johnny and Yosaku gladly jumped into bed with him without all the candy and jewelry filled pretenses. Sanji was not like that, though. He was completely the opposite, really. He actually _liked_ the huge romantic façade that was valentine's day and, even worse, the stupid love cook expected _Zoro_ of all people to participate in the "festivities."

Zoro had refused at first ("Some stupid world government created holiday is no reason to turn me into a woman god dammit!") but reconsidered his decision after threats of raising interest from Nami and some not so subtle hinting at no more sex ever again by Sanji. Zoro did not like the sound of the latter. Plus, stupid Luffy had to play the stupid "captain's orders" card which meant there was absolutely no hope in sight of him escaping this moronic holiday.

So this was why Roronoa Zoro, the feared ex-pirate hunter known throughout East Blue as a demon, was currently sitting on the floor of the mens cabin cutting out paper hearts with the rest of the guys. He felt his pride as a man quickly slipping away from him.

No one else seemed to mind though, Zoro observed, and that bothered him even more. Zoro had expected that from Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper but he had hoped for a little more protest from Franky and Brook. Instead, they jumped at the opportunity and were quite obviously enjoying themselves. Sanji, the lucky bastard, wasn't there though. He was excused from this stupid little arts and crafts idiocy, instead having to go shopping for the huge meal he was going to cook tonight.

"Zoro, could you pass me the glitter glue?" Luffy asked, concentrating hard on his "masterpiece."

Zoro picked up the bottle and hesitated. He knew from past experience that Luffy plus sparkly sticky stuff could end quite badly. If things went wrong there was the possibility that he would end up glued to the wall by the boy. On the the other hand, it could also be pretty entertaining too. Maybe Usopp would be glued to Luffy's butt again... _Ah, why the hell not?_ He thought, handing the bottle to his captain. The swordsman then turned his attention to his own valentine; a plain heart cut out of a piece of deep red paper. He had never given or received a valentine in his entire life so he wasn't really sure what he was supposed to do next. He decided to look at the others to gain perspective. Maybe he could get a good idea and use it as a springboard.

Luffy's heart... wasn't really a heart at all. In fact, it looked as if a square, an octagon, and a triangle had gotten together for a horribly kinky threesome, birthed the ugliest child in the world, and then vomited lace and glitter all over the poor things face. In the center of the frightening mess were two badly drawn people holding hands; on with a recognizable scar beneath his eye and the other with a shock of scribbled orange hair. Zoro decided that producing something like that would not only get him cut off from sex for life but also hogtied, slathered in raw meat and barbecue sauce, and then presented to Luffy who would proceed to devour his own first mate without a second thought.

So, no. Copying Luffy was definitely out.

Chopper wasn't much help either. He had cut out what appeared to be a sakura blossom from some pink paper and was currently writing in a language Zoro didn't recognize. Reindeer was his best guess.

In front of Franky was a square of simple stationary he'd purchased himself. On it he had carefully copied down a poem he had originally written in his notebook full of all his compsitions. Zoro wasn't good with words and there was no way he was going to write about his _feelings_ for Sanji. Besides, he wasn't about to willingly hand over something the blonde would be able to hang over his head for months.

Zoro watched in slight horror for a moment as Brook glued lace around the edge of a shape that could only be panties. He decided to skip Brook.

Zoro turned a desperate, hopeful look to Usopp's project. It was very intricate with lots of fancy cupids and pop-up hearts. His big, clumsy hand could never recreate the work of art that was Usopp's valentine.

The swordsman was getting nowhere fast and on top of that, he was out of ideas. Zoro glanced at the supplies Nami had provided them; colored paper, some glitter, and a few broken crayons. Not much to work with and no help from the crew. Zoro sighed and looked back to the heart he had cut out earlier. Guess he'd just have to make due. He picked up a crayon and started to draw, muttering under his breath _"I'd better get a damn good lay for this..."_

Sanji set an armful of grocery bags on the galley table and began pulling things out to prepare for dinner when he noticed a red piece of paper sticking out from under one of the bags. Curious, he slid the paper out carefully and noticed it was heart shaped. Written in what could only be the swordsman's messy scrawl was 'To Sanji'. He turned the heart over and felt a smile tugging at his lips. Across the top of the valentine were the words 'Happy Valentines Day, Shithead'. Underneath were two stick people who could only be himself and the swordsman, judging by the curly eyebrow on one head and the messy scribble of green on the other. The stickman with the scribbly green hair was stabbing the curly eyebrow stickman with what Sanji guessed was a sword. Drawn with red crayon was a red arc of blood shooting from the stab wound.

Sanji chuckled softly and tucked the heart in his suit pocket. From one of the bags on the table he pulled out a large bottle of expensive rum and a length of ribbon which he tied into a bow around the bottleneck. He pulled a tag from the bag as well and wrote in his fancy script 'Happy Valentines Day, Marimohead' before tying that to the bottle as well. He pushed the bottle deep into the cupboard below the sink and began preparing the crew their special valentines day feast. Sanji decided he would give Zoro his booze later, after the crew went to bed and then he could show him the just how much he'd liked his valentine.


End file.
